It’s 2AM and your phone has just buzzed you awake, filling the room in white-blue LED light. You have a message. It’s a photo. No words, no explanation. Just a photo. Tell us all about it. And what happens next.
As usual I wake up in seconds. And immediately I know where this pic comes from, and you know I know. So you must be, perhaps, on your own? Well I am, as probably you know now…
Yes I like the picture, I like the ring, your ring, where the ring is, and what is around it, close to it. And I am staying calm: you are, after all, some four thousand miles from me, and even making a start now, it will be a good twenty hours before I can get there, and touch your ring… So far away you are, my treasure, and your country is still a mystery for me – as you are. Its 2 in the morning here, so it’s five in the afternoon for you. I have just noticed, the pic is just now, a few minutes back. My mind is racing. Not for long, I know this cold determination. I’ll catch the next available flight. Here is my picture in the meantime…
Your entry was very romantic. It was a little confusing at first until I began to understand the rhythm. It sounded more like a poem than just a story. Next time you write in this style, use a poem format or else your thoughts seem like they’re running together.
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I like the mystery that you have built into this piece. I can’t help wondering about where ‘the ring’ is; and this makes me interested in following the character in their journey.
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Oh my, that’s good. What’s the ring? Where’s the flight to? Who’s the photograph from? Just brilliantly written and a lovely rhythm.
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It asks questions and I like that – just as I like the interrupted form, which reflects the way my thoughts run when I wake up.
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Reblogged this on lost creek publishing.
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