love
painful
challenging
euphoric
beautiful –
it is not for the fearful
or the weak.
giving your heart so completely
takes a trust
and vulnerability in the pure hope
that it will be looked after
cared for.

so i worry –
i lie awake terrified
hurting
that my heart is not big enough,
my words not compassionate enough,
my arms not open wide enough
that i will fail you
live up to the unworthiness i feel.

i have lived incomplete
broken
for so long.
and now
now that i have gotten to bask
in you.
been blessed
to stand in your sun –
i struggle to feel
enough
worthy
of such a precious gift.

tonight you hurt….
and i lie here.
desperate to reach out
mindful of boundaries
grief
process
quiet.
and i am once again
broken
because
my heart can not endure your pain
instead.

so i pray